The author, a founding member of the Worm Party here in
Brooklyn, New York, stopped using toothpaste almost a decade ago. He gave up on
soap several years later, and on his weekly one-drop-of-shampoo about a
year ago. He feels much better from escaping these horrors. He still
brushes his teeth regularly and showers on occasion.
washing-obsessed wife (whom he has wisely not attempted to persuade in
this regard) and his equally obsessive dentist, whom he visits once a
year for no good reason except his wife’s insistence, do regularly give
him above-passing marks in the hygiene, odor and dental integrity
He never did get into cars and gadgets,
as he couldn’t afford those. He is the accidental and reluctant owner
(and timorous operator) of a computer. He also has a regular telephone
as well as a primitive cell phone. He acquired the latter so he could
get assignments in time when he was subbing at the schools. He
considered buying a VCR for about a decade, mainly for teaching
purposes, but then found that these had been replaced by DVD players,
which were too high-tech for him.
He possesses one
pair of gravely worn-at-the-heels but otherwise functional shoes. He
bought his last clothes over a dozen years ago, but his wife buys
trousers for him, once every few years, as they get worn out or shrink
from washing and drying in the neighborhood laundromat. He totes his
clothes to this place once every two weeks or so, while wondering how he
could avoid this laborious task, which takes up several hours of his
highly priced, executive-level time.
He has been
working, with varying degrees of success, including failure, on getting
away from other commercial products and services, while still looking,
for reasons he will not divulge, to recruit members for the Worm Party.
If you or anyone you know is interested, please direct them to him.
he last checked, the membership tally for that party had reached a
stable plateau at unity. He holds all the high (and low) positions in
that party, but is willing to share a few with qualified and recommended